Monday, July 22, 2013

Handing in the homeschool forms

Well, I officially handed in the homeschooling forms to the board of education office this morning.  For one reason or another, I'm having some mixed emotions about making this official.  Even though I shouldn't, I feel like we failed the system instead of the system failing us.  My train of thought is that we tried public school and it didn't work out, so there must be something wrong with us as a family or me as a parent.  As I'm typing this, I know my rational is ridiculous.  And I shall account my feelings as pregnancy hormonally driven, but I feel like a reject.  I must not have done something right.  Public school works for everyone else, so why didn't it work for us?  However, I don't feel like my son is a failure or a reject by ANY means; I really, truly feel like he's a typical boy despite his first grade teacher. And it is for this reason that I know my decision is the correct one. 

But at the same token, I feel a little guilty withdrawing him from school.  I know all the teachers in his school; some of them I had when I was in school or substitute taught with them.  The secretary I handed the papers this morning to was the elementary school secretary in my building when I was growing up. Heck, my aunt is currently the physical education teacher at Wiggly's school!  By homeschooling, I feel like I'm saying that the school is not good enough for my son.  It's not that the teachers aren't good at their jobs, or that it's not a good school district, but it's just not a good fit for Wiggly at this time. See? I keep needing to validate my decision.  But to whom? Apparently myself.  And I also keep wondering whether or not to email the principal explaining why we decided to pull him.  I know I'm going to see her again; our community is MUCH too small to hide in... So, do I owe her an explanation?  I feel like I do, but maybe I don't.

Aaahh, like all things parenting related, there just doesn't seem to be one clear, easy decision.  Is anyone really certain if they're doing right by their children?  We just do the best we can.  Has anyone else had these mixed feelings of self-doubt in your decision to homeschool?  I just wish all these feelings of doubt and guilt would go away.